He's cured!

I read this morning in the Denver Post that "One of four ministers who oversaw three weeks of intensive counseling for the Rev. Ted Haggard said the disgraced minister emerged convinced that he is "completely heterosexual." I'm convinced too that such things are possible because I remember a college roommate who after only 4 or 5 hours of consultation with Lysergic Acid Diethylamide was convinced that he was the Easter Bunny, but I'm also convinced that Haggard's conversion won't last much longer than this morning's South Florida cold snap or my buddy Jim's lagomorphic fugue.

Of course the curability of the "Disease" of Homosexuality isn't supported by anything more than the testimony of people of the caliber of Haggard. It's only a belief and one of a nearly infinite series of beliefs engendered by the need to sustain a fundamental belief that you can be absolutely certain of a God and of his likes and dislikes from listening to men like Ted Haggard. But one can believe almost anything for a time and that's evidenced by the line of ambulances one sees picking up people who have nearly killed themselves getting out of wheelchairs or throwing away their crutches at revival meetings. For a few minutes they believed those twisted legs could walk again. Some people may enjoy believing that Ted is no longer interested in methamphetamines or men. Some believe because they are so terrified of themselves. Some people just enjoy believing.

Although I'm one of those who likes to temper belief with the knowledge that it is ultimately elusive, I'm pretty damn sure that Haggard is a fraud -- even to himself -- and that his only real conviction is that he can continue to fool enough people enough of the time to maintain the power and money and authority that he loves so much. Along those lines, Ted recently sent an e-mail to his former New Life Church members saying he and his wife may move to Missouri and seek Master's degrees in psychology. "the Holy Spirit has been convicting and healing me" said Ted who is lucky that a secular court didn't convict him of drug charges. But of course avoiding the consequences of misdeeds through lachrymose ritual and an impressive line of bullshit is the backbone of his profession.

It was of course, the oversight board of the National Association of Evangelicals that suggested, in the interest of healing his "wounds," that Ted move to the Show Me State and go into "secular work." Could it be that they have doubts too?