Monday, April 03, 2006

What's in a word?

I love to listen to the blowhard racists and xenophobes sound off about the danger to the English language posed by immigrants. Most of them, being unaffected by any significant education, don’t know how diverse have been the languages spoken in American cities over the last century or two. It’s one of the reasons we speak the language differently than the British after all. English itself is a mixture of several languages, like Saxon German, Old Norse, Norman French and others and that accounts for the enormous vocabulary and depth of the tongue. Words like Kindergarten and Gesundheit didn’t come over here on the Mayflower either and they haven’t spoiled our language any more than French, German Italian, Mexican and Chinese food have spoiled our cuisine.

I have to admit that there have been times when I’m frustrated with phone systems that put me through a hundred questions before I talk to anything sentient and wish I could just bypass the “para continuar en español, pressione quatro. . .” part but is it terrible that my bank wishes to accommodate anyone’s money? Is it somehow a risk to the English tongue that Americans occasionally have to hear Spanish or German or Italian? After all if you don’t recognize the above as meaning “to continue in Spanish, press four” you’re not too bright anyway and there lies the problem.

I agree that too many Americans hardly speak English, but I’m not talking about immigrants, I’m talking about Presidents, news commentators and journalists. I’m talking about ad writers and all the rest of us with weak vocabularies who think we’re being creative by mimicking the ignorant, wallowing in cliché, jargon and obsolescent hip-talk.

I’d much rather listen to Spanish than to journalists who have to measure everything in the universe in football fields. I would like to deport the next person who can’t discuss any kind of record without calling it a track record. Ball Park is not a verb and if you can’t understand words like “estimate” you don’t get to complain about anyone other than yourself ruining our language.

Think you’re making a statement by calling your latest Gucci or Bulgari accessory “Bling?” Think Rush Limbaugh is showing his open mindedness by calling a rape victim a “ho” instead of a whore? Half the reason for that kind of slang is to make rich, white, fake hipsters sound like idiots. It works.

Ever notice that you can’t buy a house or apartment or trailer any more – they only sell “homes.” Ever wonder what the hell a “mobile Estate” is? Ever notice that cove, bay, point[e] ridge, dale, height, valley, ridge and terrace all mean “housing development?” Deport these people! Leave the Mexicans alone.

Why is a $75,000, 6 and a half ton Cadillac or Lincoln or Mercedes with acres of leather and entertainment systems a “utility vehicle?” If they can’t learn English, get them out of my country!

2 comments:

Chris the Hippie said...

I can't understand my neighbors, and they were born in Iowa. I often have to grab any child that's wandering by and have them translate English into English for me. The slang is just too thick! The grammar is awful. The accent atrocious.

My wife, who's a native German-speaker, has no sympathy for immigrants who don't learn to speak English. "If I moved to Mexico," she said, "I'd learn Spanish. It's a matter of respect."

Capt. Fogg said...

The fellow who works from dawn to dusk cutting cane or picking vegetables has little time to learn anything and if he's illegal, he can't take the risk of registering for a class. Still, I think most immigrants do learn and their children of course learn better.

You'd think Bush would have learned a bit of English by now, wouldn't you?