“Let’s, first of all, pray there’s no hurricanes, That would be, like, step one.'’
Prayer always works. It’s well known that landslides and mudslides and fires and earthquakes and huge waves and storms only kill the wicked and we know it because every time children are burned alive during an Easter celebration, or a church bus goes off a cliff or a pious village in Central America is buried under the mud or some old church lady dies alone in a hot attic in a flooded city, we are told it was God’s wrath against the sinners, or children of sinners or cousins by marriage of sinners or the great grandmothers of sinners and all the other sinners who failed to redeem themselves from sin by persecuting all the other sinners who refuse to persecute and insist on voting Democrat.
As for me, like step one is to make sure I have supplies and the generator is serviced and the shutters are ready to go up. Like step two is to pray that the demon in the storm will indeed seek out the iniquitous and set course for Washington, but that’s something you only read about – it never actually happens.
Dear God, in thy loving kindness send the next one up to Daytona. Those guys are much bigger sinners, what with bike week and spring break and all.
That will leave me with just enough bad weather to remind me that you’re there without trashing my banana trees and pool enclosure and knocking the power out.
I promise to hound as many gay folks as I can identify and put a plastic fish on my new car even though I paid a lot of money for it and hate to screw up the paint.
Just get me through this season without another one and I promise to defend thy holy trees and plastic images and sacred shopping mall displays against the damn Jews and atheists who want to wage war against Christmas and don’t recognize that it’s you, oh Lord, who kicks the shit out of the Atlantic and Gulf coasts every year.
Please remember you smacked me three times now and three is some kind of magic number meaning I ought to get a break – right?
5 comments:
You are hilarious!
To God goes all the credit.
Just as long as it doesn't hit during my field trip down to JEB country. After that it can be wiped clean by the wrath of god.
I asked God and he said Chicago gets it first.
Amazing how people hang on to the silliest things (prayer) in the face of contravening evidence.
What's even more amazing is how we keep an incompetent leader in power when that's his sole governing principle.
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