Black is the color, none is the number

The letters to the editor in any small town paper are an endless source of amusement. Who needs to pay a comedy writer when there is such great material on line for free in a great country like this?

One local puffball in my area writes this week, with an attitude more appropriate to someone who has just unraveled the mysteries of String Theory or a quick proof of Fermat’s Theorem, that the reason we talk about blue states and red states as Democrat and Republican is because the Liberal Press is trying to hide the “fact” that Liberals are close to being communists: a fact that would be more obvious if their states were colored appropriately. Red is of course, the color of anger, blue of sadness and I’m comfortable with the color designations in this respect, but the smug assertion that the great liberals like Jefferson, Franklin Madison and others who founded this country to be a bastion of individual liberty; a fortress against the forces of kings by divine right, are communists is as nauseating a bit of ripe carrion as you might find dangling from the septic yellow fangs of a jackal.

The main reason we call the Republican states Red, is that there is no color for stupid. But with some work, perhaps we can come closer than the color of some necks that receive too much sun. I would suggest orange, that being the color of the seething, magma filled caldera of an active volcano into which, in a better world, people who write such things would be thrown.