War on Easter?

With Easter staring at us like the face of Mary from a used paper towel, I'm surprised at the dearth of miracles in the news. Of course there's still time. Then too, I'm more surprised that the nefarious Jews, Liberals and Secular Humanists haven't opened a second front with a War on Easter. Why, if they're hell bent on removing Jesus from the solstice wouldn't they be desperate to take him out of the Equinox? Is Mithras an ACLU contributer while Ishtar is not? It's hard to understand. Of course I never have seen as many department store rabbits as Santas but eggs still roll on the White House lawn even if the heads of the many transgressors haven't - as yet.

The papers haven't reported any rust stains that look like Jesus or potato chips or grease stained lunch bags with the face of his asexual mother lately; things that so often remind us that these figures are truly part of the fabric of the universe and not human fancy. Of course there's still time, and eBay regularly provides an income to those who find any U shaped marks on anything which can be interpreted as proof of their immanence. There's a steady market for such things and for those who don't want to pay miraculous event prices, there is a mold allowing you to produce toast with Jesus, his mother or other mythological figures for your breakfast enjoyment if not compliance with Biblical commandment. A little grape jelly and you get body and blood to go with your Easter egg.

Of course for those who love to see the sacred in the ridiculous - and who doesn't? - nature herself provides an endless supply; enough to feed fatuous faith in the followers of any nonsense one might construct. Behold the mighty duck who swims the endless lake so save us all from sin.