Monday, November 06, 2006

Rove's last tape

Hear the tolling of the bells
Iron Bells!
What a world of solemn thought their monody compels!
In the silence of the night,
How we shiver with affright
At the melancholy menace of their tone!
For every sound that floats
From the rust within their throats is a groan.


This might be a bloody day if it weren’t for caller ID. I’m sure that the people who make political phone calls know what my political affiliations are and exactly how much money I have given to whom, yet they call and call and call and call some more. Seven days in the week from early until late, the robots and the volunteers call telling me how awful the other guy is and how my taxes will go up if I try to preserve my liberty.

As I said, I have caller ID and so don’t usually answer these incessant invasions and disturbances of domestic tranquility, but sometimes they trick me, like when it’s before sunrise and I react automatically thinking there’s some family emergency. The recorded messages are the worst of course, since you can’t tell them all about their mother’s hygiene problems or the various crimes of their candidates. New Hampshire residents have been given a partial break if their numbers are on the national no-call list, but here in Florida, all I can do is ignore the bells ringing and ringing me into dementia like some character from Poe.

Of course the Republicans are not stupid, they just know that we are and they know that we don’t want to be awakened, or pulled away from the TV or the dinner table or the shower to hear how some bozo will lower our taxes or how the Democratic candidate shares a bed with Osama. According to, the rodents of Rove have been using robo-calls that make you think it’s the Democrats who just dragged you out of the toilet or woke you up at 3:47 AM and if you hang up when they offer to give you information about Tim Mahoney or Jim Davis, they will call back again and again and again and again until you begin to wonder where you put that box of 9mm hollow point.

Of course there is one way to end it that falls far short of mayhem. It's not only legal, it's your duty – you can vote and you can drag every non-republican you know who insists that “there’s no difference between the candidates” or “my vote doesn’t matter” to the polls. Otherwise annoying phone calls will be the least of our problems.

No comments: